Thursday, May 29, 2014

moonlight

i was going to write something really extraordinary but i'm fresh out of greatness.  i used it all up at work today.

tonight i look forward to crawling into bed and staring at mr. k's profile with the moonlight streaming through the grey curtains.  that's my favorite time of the day -- when we climb in the sheets and the world falls away.  we talk in the darkness and it seems like the safest place on earth.  when his snoring begins, i ironically feel a tremendous gratitude and happiness to be his. the one he loves. his wife.


the sweetest thing

valentines. it will be a day full of cheese-ball cliches and an overabundance of love, which i am really okay with.  as iris says in the holiday, "i like corny. i'm looking for corny in my life".  lay it on thick because i'm a sucker for romance.

mr. k wouldn't have you believe it, but he's even more of a romantic than i am.  tomorrow will be mine and mr. k's second valentine's together.  three valentines days ago, about 4 months before we began dating, home depot put together treat bags and valentine's cards for all the employees.   there were a few extra on hand, and i was in a silly mood, so i addressed them to co-workers that were in the room and signed "heart, becky".

several months down the road (when we were dating) i was restlessly rummaging around in mr. k's room and found, tucked inside his treasure box, that valentine.  i pulled it out and looked at him puzzled.  he sheepishly looked to the floor and in that moment i wanted to laugh and cry and hug him and kiss him all at once.

i fall more in love with that goofy man every day.
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i hope you have a merry valentine's, full of junk food, cheesy chick flicks, and some good lovin'.
heart,

mrs. k

you're gonna make it afterall!

i use to write at least once a week on my old blog (justfortherecord.blogspot.com).  now i'm lucky if i blog once a month! #facepalm

*for background, read the post below.  it has pretty pictures of my husband looking like a baboon.

as it turns out...the new mattress and bedding did not solve our problems.  but we sure do sleep well now :)  after that hurtle, we found some unsightly "mold" in our cute apartment -- we thought it was the end of the world and the answer to the allergic reactions... we were wrong. our wonderful and kind landlord took action quickly and sent samples to a lab where they determined that everything was exceptionally normal.     
we decided the first allergist was a bozo and got a second opinion from my trusty allergist and long-time doctor up in salt lake.  after taking one look at kortney he declared the reaction was internal and believed the angioedema and hives to be caused by his anti-seizure medication  (for proof of the correlation, click here).   he upped his anti-histamine regimen and instructed us to go to the neurologist to be placed on a different medication.
mr. k's neurologist changed his medication and mentioned she has seen patients who take lamictal for years and one day --*poof*-- they're allergic (kortney was on lamictal for 6 years). 

mr. k is now 10 days off his original anti-seizure medication.  he seems to take 2 steps forward and 1 step back every day BUT overall he is improving!
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for a while it seemed like we couldn't catch a break.   exhausted and bewildered, frustration set in and we both shook our heads each morning as the reactions persisted despite our determination to try everything we could conceive.  while we both felt powerless i felt destitute -- watching him itch and swell and hurt for nearly 6 months was unbearable.  as i popped giant blisters which had erupted on his ankles and knees i covered his skin in tears.  my heart broke, to a degree i have never, ever felt before in all my 24 years. 

even though this unforseen "experience" has shaken us financially and emotionally, mr. k has been my rock through it all.  despite living on benedryl for 6 months, mr. k has the best attitude of anyone i know.  his optimism every day and belief that it will all work out helped suppress my anxiety and spurred me on.  things are finally looking up in the allergic reaction department.

once the allergic reactions are extinct, we have knee surgery to look forward to.  my tough husband has been walking around (for months) with a completely torn ACL and a meniscus that has seen better days.  i tell you what, flag football is as dangerous as tackle these days.
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p.s. football season is over until september! poor peyton, but 7 months without football games on 4 days a week!
and on that note, i bid you goodnight!
with love,
mrs. k

how my bed almost made me a widow

everyone joked that mr. k was allergic to me.  consequently, i wanted to punch everyone in the face.

one thing was for certain -- mr. k was allergic to something.  for months mr. k woke up with hives.  at first they were small and selectively on his waistband. gradually they spread and grew to bright angry welts covering his arms, torso, and legs.

then the swelling happened. september 22 mr. k woke up with a sad swollen upper lip.  i gave him enough benedryl to drug a horse.
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the hives persisted, the swelling increased in frequency, and one night i dragged mr. k to the insta-care because he looked more like a platypus than my husband.
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we went to the allergist shortly thereafter to find out... nothing helpful.  mr. k is not allergic to food, dogs, or cats.  unfortunately, when it is not a food allergy 90% of the time they can never pinpoint the cause. super.  we changed our laundry detergent and dryer sheets to hypoallergenic.  we tried 4 different body washes -- ironically, the hypoallergenic st. ives body wash caused the worst hives yet.  we finally settled with dove sensitive skin and a new luffa.  nothing helped.
we racked our brains and prayed like nobody's business. mr. k even got a priesthood blessing from his dad.

a few weeks later we spent christmas eve with my family and settled down for a short winter's nap back at our apartment.  two hours after our heads hit the pillow mr. k woke up with his worst reaction yet... and was having a hard time breathing. his throat was closing down -- the $hit has hit the fan, people.  i repeat, the $hit has hit the fan.

in a rush of adrenaline i threw on sweat pants and a shirt, not even bothering to find a bra.  i grabbed the car keys and ushered him to the car in a state of panic.  we flew down state street to the Provo hospital and pulled into the ER parking lot.  i was trying to keep my breathing steady and but tears were threatening to brim over.  once inside the ER, the receptionist had a look of alarm overcome her and she immediately grabbed the nurse on duty.  the nurse checked his vitals while i gave the receptionist his information to check-in.  his date of birth? i could hardly think. with forced composure i handed her our insurance card and stumbled over our address.  what's our zip code again?

there were no open beds so we sat in the waiting room for 15 minutes.   i stared at mr. k like a lunatic, making sure he was breathing.  obviously i've watched too many episodes of grey's anatomy and my fear was getting the better of me.  what if they intubate him? what if he crashes and they kick me out of the room? what if this is our last time together? it's christmas... we've only been married for 6 months... i thought we'd have more time.
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we were finally admitted to the ER and they started an IV right away, pushing epinephrine, benedryl, and pepcid (who knew, right?).  the nurses were exceptionally nice and brought me a blanket and water.  mr. k, being his sarcastic self, tried to bring some comedic relief.  he told the nurse he wanted the shot in his bum and said, in his super horse voice, that i beat him.  "kortney! you can't say that here -- they'll believe you!" don't worry, social services did not come visit us in the middle of the night.
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once it became clear that mr. k wasn't dying and the doctor and nurses had left, i lost it. sitting next to his hospital bed i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed into his leg.  this was ugly crying, mind you.  i eventually calmed down and kortney slipped into a benedryl-induced sleep.  i stayed awake all night alternating between staring at him and staring at the clock.  at 7 am we were finally discharged from the ER and we went home to take a quick nap before beginning the belated christmas festivities.

christmas night we stayed at his parents and there we no hives.  hid dad suggested it may be our memory foam topper - more and more people are displaying allergic reactions to memory foam.  to test the theory the next night we stayed at our place but mr. k slept on the couch.  no hives!

our conclusion: it's the bed.  our suspicions were confirmed when he jumped up on the bed and later that night had hives from the knee down. we rolled up the memory foam topper and placed it in our storage unit.  i vacuumed our mattress and we placed a brand new pillow topper, mattress pad, pillows, and sheets on top.

for 8 glorious days there were no hives, no swelling, no stress.

we sold the memory foam topper on ksl a few days ago.  by merely touching it mr. k's hands began burning and hives popped up.

last night he woke me up at 5 am. bad news bears...lip swelling again.  woof.  we're going to bite the bullet and buy a new mattress.  we think our original mattress was so permeated by the memory foam fumes that there is no recovery.  farewell beautiful 2014 tax return.
we are crossing our fingers and toes that this works, because i really can't handle mr. k blowing up like a balloon again.  please keep us in your prayers! we need all the help we can get.

sincerely,

mrs. k

saying goodbye to my alihandra

everyone says you marry your best friend. isn't that irritatingly clique? as it turns out, i did just that. and i'm so grateful i did because mr. k is stuck with me. even though i steal the covers and sips from his drink when he's not looking, he's lawfully obligated to put up with my shenanigans. in return i endure his snoring.

in my perfect world, every one i love would be around me always and forever. no best friends would be living in "dumb old" new mexico or be moving across the country to virginia. no! if i had a magic lamp i would ask the genie to enact a best friend law that makes it illegal to move outside of a 50-mile radius of your besties.

instead i have to put my big-girl pants on and deal with it. being a grown-up really sucks sometimes.

my beautiful, kind, wonderful alihandra is leaving me and i am knee-deep in denial. i can't even bring myself to make her christmas gift because that makes it real. that means i have to say goodbye. it's been a hell of a 6 years. i love you to the moon and back.
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i don't like losing my besties to other states.  for the record, new mexico and virginia are dumb. i feel like my heart will be broken across 3 states...

in sickness & health

mr. k and i have looked like a gimp and a smoker as of late.

for a solid two weeks i hacked up germs and then choked on them, sometimes to the point of tears.  i have never felt so attractive before.  mr. k hyper-extended his leg (bad) in flag football on monday and has been hobbling about, trading ice pack for hot pack and taking a bottle of ibuprofen. and if i didn't believe it before, i can attest to it now-- there are no boundaries in marriage.

your spouse see you at your complete worst state of life, whether it's a grumpy gimp or a crying-hacking mess, and miraculously they don't run away. do you know what else is even more amazing? that they still love you, despite your flaws and sickness and the low balance in your bank account.

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as luck would have it, as i sat down to write this (because heaven knows it has been ages since i have written) , my favorite movie was on tv-- meet joe black.  i think it epitomizes what i'm trying to say here:

joe: "how do you know?"
quincey: "it's like you know each other's secrets, the deepest darkest secrets, and then you're free...
you're free to love each other completely, totally, no fear.  so there's nothing you don't know about each other and it's okay."

although we didn't make the traditional vows of "in sickness and health" when we were sealed in the temple 3 months ago, we made covenants which are exponentially more dear and lasting. We have a mountain to learn about marriage but this little stint of "sickness" on both parties has made me realize the depth of our commitment to care for each other in the good and bad times.

so here's to more health than sickness, but a re-doubled effort of commitment and love when those sick days and hard times come.

roadtrip to washington

oh hello again.

i am back in the blogging world after bustling about our little apartment hanging pictures, picking up socks, and baking banana bread.IMG_20130810_140828mr. k and i took our first road trip together (just the two of us) to washington last weekend for his brother's wedding.  it was lovely.  we listened to harry potter and the sorcerer's stone on the drive up and were surrounded by lightening for a good portion of the time.  we were also entertained by the beautiful tumbleweeds of idaho (do you catch my sarcasm?).  it was nice being locked in a car for 24 hours (total) with mr. k.  it gave us time to hold hands and talk about important things.  we also did a lot of crazy talk and i caught the giggles more than once on our drive.  i think driving through 4 states in 12 hours can make you delirious.

we had some fun before the wedding at a little man-made pond in washington-- paddle boats and one gigantic slide! we also got to hang out with the cute chubster below!
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it was a good, albeit short, road trip. we were both happy to be home and fall back into our routine of newlywed life.